The television emits a soft glow onto our pale skin. The blankets are matted beneath us as if our bodies were iron pressing linen. I drew the blinds 4 hours ago in an effort to keep the outside world out of our cocoon. This cocoon is safe. If I could lacerate my chest open in a lateral movement I am fairly certain wind and leaves would pour out. There is a wind of peace in this stagnant, dim lit room.
Here is a cd I made for a mixtape trading group I am a part of. I figured I’d pass it along to my few followers:
1. Booker T & the MG’s – Green Onions
2. My Morning Jacket – One Big Holiday
3. The Steeldrivers – Blue Side of the Mountain
4. Ryan Adams – New York, New York
5. Stevie Wonder – Uptight
6. Good Old War – Coney Island
7. Charles Wright – Express Yourself
8. Angus & Julia Stone – On the Road
9. Brandi Carlile – The Story
10. Beck – Lost Cause
11. Crosby Stills & Nash – Teach Your Children
12. Great Lakes Swimmers – Pulling on a Line
13. Frank Turner – Dan’s Song
14. Boxer Rebellion – Evacuate
15. David Grey – Now & Always
16. Seven Day Jesus – Everybody Needs Love
17. Justin Townes Earle – Hard Livin’
18. Avett Brothers – Swept Away
19. Gregory Alan Isakov – Dandelion Wine
20. A.A. Bondy – Black Rain
21. J. Tillman – My Proud Mountains (Townes Van Zandt)
http://rapidshare.com/files/382859764/Exchange__3.rar.html
(you will need winRAR or the mac equivalent to unzip the files)
This post by Michael Hidalgo really struck a chord with me today:
John, in his first letter says, “God is love.” Much has been made about this statement in theological circles. But there is one question that seems to be asked the most, “What is love?”
This is not the first time this question, or one like it has been asked. Many of us are familiar with the scene. Girl and boy meet and fall head over heals for each other. They cannot stop thinking or talking about each other to their friends. One of them eventually asks a wise person the age-old question, “How do you know when you are in love?”
The sage never responds quickly. Words seem to stumble out of the sage’s mouth, something to the effect, “Well … you will just know … you know?” But they do not know, because the wise person does not know, you know? (If you would like to see an example of this from 80’s cinema see the movie Sixteen Candles.)
There is a lot that can be said in response the question about falling in love. Some do not believe you fall in love, some say that love is not a feeling, others say love is a choice, and still there are some who contend love is an emotion. What most will agree on is this: love is real. Yet, as real as love is, it is something that seems to defy explanation. Maybe this is how it should be.
Many of us we have trouble staying in this place. We live in a world where people want to explain everything. We want to understand, define, or box in. Be warned. If someone can explain love then it is something, but it is probably not love. We live our lives according to dogmas, laws, and rationalism; all of which seek to define, simplify, and categorize everything.
Perhaps we ought not to apply our systematic ways of thinking to such things as love. Love seems to defy the contours of such thinking. Love was never meant to be understood or explained. It gives to us a mystery right here in the midst of our everyday lives.
We have a hard time living within mystery. We have lost wonder and awe is on life support. Maybe this is why there is such a shortage of love in this world. We have something that we believe we have nailed down, yet no one can seem to find it. The inability to grasp love is reflected in the enmity, exclusiveness, bigotry, judgmentalism, and “us-and-them” thinking that permeates our world. Rather than try to define love, we should spend our years becoming acquainted with it.
Which brings us back to John and his saying, “God is love.” Stanley Grenz said, “God is his essence is love.” Perhaps we should spend more time getting to know God and being acquainted with God, rather than simply trying to explain him. I know many Christians that speak of a “personal relationship” with God, yet their relationship is built on doctrine, their knowledge is based on their ability to successfully defend their brand of belief, and their faith is nothing more than mental ascent.
This is not a relationship. How many of us base our marriages, familial relationships, or friendships on laws, doctrine, or dogma? Our best relationships are rooted in love for the other not on what we can explain about the person.
Imagine a Christianity that spoke of relationship with God built on love (which he is), a knowledge that reflected deep intimacy with Jesus, and faith that clung tenaciously to the person that God reveals himself to be, while at the same time letting go of our own agendas. Imagine a Christianity that basked in the mystery, awe, and wonder of God. Imagine a Christianity that did not draw boundaries of opposition or walls of defensiveness, but one that engaged all human beings with dignity, honor, and respect. Imagine a Christianity that was a source of reconciliation rather than division. Imagine a Christianity that was bent on peace rather than one that passively accepted violence as a “necessary evil.”
As I imagine love – real, true love – this is what I imagine. This is not an attempt to define love, but an attempt to live within it and to know the God who is love more intimately. I suspect that if our world saw love lived out more and more we may stop trying to define it and simply start wanting more of it.
I have gone back and forth as to whether or not I should share this with my blog readers. Ultimately, I didn’t see any harm in it. It’s something I have been carrying with me since this summer, and I think it’s influenced a lot of the emotion I’ve felt and the ways I’ve responded to certain things/people. Sometimes, I think it’s important to write/document important things that have happened to you (good or bad). It gives you clarity about it. Anyways, I forewarn you it’s pretty depressing and perhaps graphic.
It was late July, my friends had been married the day before and all of the hustle and bustle of the weekend was coming to a close. The sun fad fallen beneath the Colorado horizon and created a cool breeze in the air. We laughed and bantered as the car rolled along the concrete, on its way to meet up with everyone. As we exited on to Colorado Boulevard, I remember there being a soft moment of silence. I turned my head to the center of the road and was immediately accosted by an explosion of fast food, clothing and skin. It seemed like a dream, some kind of hyper-reality. I told Chris to pull over the car, he was confused and I repeated myself with more curse words and volume. As the car rolled to a stop I flung open the door and ran to her, lying on the concrete. Her body was twitching and moving in ways I did not know where possible. I remember her eyes were open, focusing on the particles of dirt and road in front of her face. I had no idea what to do. I simply said “Just be still, everything is going to be okay, the paramedics are on the way”. The men and women showed up in their ambulance within 2 minutes and rushed her off. I slowly walked over to the curb and sat. When I saw the police officer closing off the road completely, I knew. I later found out she was a 19 year old student at the community college across the street, simply crossing the street to get a hamburger.
The next day, I walked through the familiar doors of Mark and Judith’s. I completely lost whatever ounce of control I had left in my body and wept. At that time, little June was merely weeks old. Judith put her in my arms and I felt the healing power of beautiful, innocent life washing me.
Sometimes when I close my eyes, I still get images of the scene. I don’t ever want to be accustomed to this sight. I want to use it to value what I have, and the relationships I participate in. The life we breathe in every second is precious.
We are reaching, scratching, grasping for someone to tell us everything is alright. Well, I just don’t know. When life seems like an unsteady castle of cards, I say let if fall. Rebuilding isn’t the demon we’ve made it to be. Sometimes, the real poison we drink is the one that tells its all okay. I want to taste truth on my lips, bitter or sweet. I want to rest my head and sleep knowing I’ve led an honest life, loved an honest love and dreamt an honest dream.
If it be your will
That I speak no more
And my voice be still
As it was before
I will speak no more
I shall abide until
I am spoken for
If it be your will
If it be your will
That a voice be true
From this broken hill
I will sing to you
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing
If it be your will
If there is a choice
Let the rivers fill
Let the hills rejoice
Let your mercy spill
On all these burning hearts in hell
If it be your will
To make us well
And draw us near
And bind us tight
All your children here
In their rags of light
In our rags of light
All dressed to kill
And end this night
If it be your will
If it be your will.
When you’re sad and when you’re lonely and you haven’t got a friend
Just remember that death is not the end
And all that you’ve held sacred, falls down and does not mend
Just remember that death is not the end
Not the end, not the end
Just remember that death is not the end
When you’re standing at the crossroads that you cannot comprehend
Just remember that death is not the end
And all your dreams have vanished and you don’t know what’s up the bend
Just remember that death is not the end
Not the end, not the end
Just remember that death is not the end
When the storm clouds gather ’round you, and heavy rains descend
Just remember that death is not the end
And there’s no one there to comfort you, with a helpin’ hand to lend
Just remember that death is not the end
Not the end, not the end
Just remember that death is not the end
Oh, the tree of life is growing
Where the spirit never dies
And the bright light of salvation shines
In dark and empty skies
When the cities are on fire with the burning flesh of men
Just remember that death is not the end
And you search in vain to find just one law abiding citizen
Just remember that death is not the end
Not the end, not the end
Just remember that death is not the end
-Bob Dylan’s “Death is not the end”
“”At the heart of the Gospel narratives is a controversy concerning the identity of Jesus Christ. In the Synoptic Gospels, those closest to Jesus regularly misidentify him. I have shown in previous work how the gospel of Matthew is structured around the distinction between disciples (the Greek word mathetes) and those who follow(the Greek word akolouthein and its variations). Often disciples are physically close in proximity to Jesus, yet they often misunderstand his words and actions. An epithet Jesus uses on the disciples on a number of occasions in the narrative “those of little faith.” The ones who most often recognize Jesus’ true identity are apparently minor characters in the stories: a leper, a Roman centurion, the Gadarene demoniac, a paralytic, a hemorrhaging woman, two blind men, a Canaanite woman, and the centurion at the foot of the cross. Within the passion narrative itself the only true followers, the ones who recognize Jesus’ mission and ministry must follow the road to the crucifixion, are Joseph of Aramithea and, most important, Jesus’ female followers. So the Gospels themselves witness to the fact that Jesus’ own idenity is most likely to be recognized by those who live on the boundaries, beyond the pale, and on the margins. These stories give no support to those who would assert that insiders have a unique and incorrigible grasp of the Gospels’ truth. On the contrary, those who are apparent outsiders recognize Jesus’ identity and thereby witness to the truth. Mutatis mutandis we should hardly be surprised if, in our own times, authentic witness to the truth comes not from those who are apparent insiders within Christianity, but precisely from those religious others who too often have been consigned a place beyond the pale of truth but may in fact be carriers of it.”
-Miroslav Volf
I attempted to compile my top 100 albums of this decade. It’s taken me about 2 weeks to get it all together and situated properly. I tried to be objective and follow these parameters:
1. Play time / Longevity
2. Importance (personally)
3. Importance (socially)
I think this accurately represents my favorite albums of the 2000s. If anyone tells me that nothing good happened in this decade, they are severely wrong. I included a little write up on the top 10 albums, so you knew where I was coming from.
1. Pedro the Lion – Control
-This album has consistently been blowing my mind since I was 19. Lyrically, musically and sonically –it’s what I keep going back to. I know it’s an odd choice for the #1 spot on such a broad list, I really do believe it deserves it.
2. Sigur Ros – Ágætis Byrjun
- It really is just perfect. It’s hard to comprehend how they constructed this flawless record.
3. Twothirtyeight – Regulate the Chemicals
-I remember being a sophomore in highschool and my friend gave me a cassette with this on it. It didn’t leave my car until some time in my senior year. I still listen to this on a weekly basis to this day.
4. At the Drive In – Relationship of Command
-I was so confused the first time I popped this in my cd player. I didn’t understand how something could be so chaotic yet make me want to dance like this album.
5. Sigur Ros – ( )
- Another album that really changed the way I view music. Listen to this with headphones, full blast. The detail of this album is insane.
6. Rocky Votolato – Suicide Medicine
-I was 20 years old, broke and confused. This album had a huge impact on my outlook. I still put the cd in and immediately remember various parts of my life that this album has been a soundtrack to.
7. Ours – Distorted Lullabies
- Mark and I were driving home from some lame show in rural Colorado. We listened to “Medication” off this album. I had never heard a voice as talented as Gnecco’s. Beautiful/Haunting melodies and insane talent.
8. This Bright Apocalypse – Motion and Rest
-Wait, who is this band? T.B.A. was one of the first shows I ever attended when I lived in Wisconsin. I’ve seen a lot of concerts in my day, and I still contend that they put on one of the best shows I’ve ever seen. They released this album after I had moved to Colorado and in a way, I had forgotten about them. My friend told me I need to check it out. So I ordered the CD from some distro and was completely blown away. If Sinead O’Connor made a post-Hardcore album, this is what it would sound like. haha
9. Sunny Day Real Estate – The Rising Tide
The best recorded drums I have ever heard. Enigk’s vocals are insanely inspiring. Incredible progressions. ‘Nuff said
10. The Appleseed Cast – Low Level Owl (I & II)
-Highly influential to me, personally. The vocals are hidden way back in the mix. The guitars are huge. The drumming is perfect. Do want!
11. Explosions in the Sky – The Earth is Not a Dead Cold Place
12. Wilco – Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
13. Ryan Adams – Love is Hell
14. Unwed Sailor – The Faithful Anchor
15. Radiohead – Kid A
16. Starflyer 59 – Leave Here a Stranger
17. Beck – Sea Change
18. The Decemberists – Castaways and Cutouts
19. Wilco – Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
20. Old Crow Medicine Show – O.C.M.S.
21. Glassjaw – Worship and Tribute
22. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – Howl
23. Radiohead – In Rainbows
24. David Bazan – Curse Your Branches
25. Jimmy Eat World – Bleed American
26. Deathcab for Cutie – Transatlanticism
27. The Gloria Record – Start Here
28. The Avett Brothers – Emotionalism
29. Iron and Wine – Our Endless Numbered Days
30. This Will Destroy You – Young Mountain
31. Kent – Vapen & Ammunition
32. Bonnie Prince Billy & Matt Sweeney –Superwolf
33. Radiohead – Amnesiac
34. …And you will knows us by the trail of dead – Worlds Apart
35. Jeremy Enigk – World Waits
36. Rocky Votolato – Makers
37. Mew – And the Glass Handed Kites
38. Hank Williams III – Straight to Hell
39. Spiritualized – Let it Come Down
40. Bruce Springsteen – The Rising
41. Anathallo – Floating World
42. Fleet Foxes – s/t
43. Dr. Dre – 2001
44. Ryan Adams – Heartbreaker
45. Godspeed You Black Emperor! – Lift Your Skinny Fists like Antennas to Heaven
46. Spoon – Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
47. Denison Witmer – Are You a Dreamer?
48. Converge – Jane Doe
49. Mogwai – Rock Action
50. Broken Social Scene – You Forgot It in People
51. Coldplay – Parachutes
52. Wovenhand – Mosaic
53. Asobi Seksu – Citrus
54. Jose Gonzalez – Veneer
55. Boris – Akuma No Uta
56. Oasis – Heathen Chemistry
57. Josh Ritter – The Animal Years
58. Pedro the Lion – Winners Never Quit
59. My Morning Jacket – Z
60. Engine Down – Demure
61. Blindside – A Thought Crushed My Mind
62. Isis – Panopticon
63. Horse Feathers – House with No Name
64. Sufjan Stevens – Greetings from Michigan: The Great Lakes State
65. Blonde Redhead – 23
66. M. Ward – Post War
67. Saves the Day – Stay What You Are
68. Jack Rose – Kensington Blues
69. The Album Leaf – In a Safe Place
70. The National – Boxer
71. Damien Jurado – Where Shall You Take Me?
72. Further Seems Forever – How to Start a Fire
73. Fugazi – The Argument
74. Mewithoutyou – Brother, Sister
75. Martyrdod – In Extremis
76. Johnny Cash – American IV – The Man Comes Around
77. Foo Fighters – One by One
78. Muse – Absolution
79. Bleach – Astonomy
80. AA Bondy – American Hearts
81. Sun Kil Moon – Ghosts of the Great Highway
82. Jason Anderson – New England
83. Karate – Unsolved
84. Mono – Hymn to the Immortal Wind
85. Stars – Set Yourself on Fire
86. Papa M – Whatever, Mortal
87. Travis – The Invisible Band
88. Bonnie “Prince” Billy – I See a Darkness
89. Songs: Ohia – Ghost Tropic
90. Denali – s/t
91. Queens of the Stone Age – Songs for the Deaf
92. Derek Webb – She Must and Shall Go Free
93. Silversun Pickups – Swoon
94. Career Suicide – s/t
95. Park – It Won’t Snow Where You’re Going
96. Antony & the Johnsons – I Am a Bird Now
97. Further Seems Forever – The Moon is Down
98. Sufjan Stevens – Illinois
99. Wolves in the Throne Room – Two Hunters
100. Koufax – It Had to Do With Love
Hope seems like a tricky thing. It feels like we go through life, sifting through the muck just to find little nuggets of life. Shouldn’t it be the opposite? Why do we have to try so hard just to engage in something hopeful? Why can’t it just come naturally? It almost makes you resent the idea of hope, and begs the question “why are we stuck in this mud in the first place?” I suppose that is why faith needs to be coupled with hope.
My heart aches for all of the families struggling to find hope this holiday season. So many people across the globe are in dire circumstances, and feel hopeless. Christmas has nothing to do with being a “Christ’s Mass”. I know, I know, that is the typical thing to complain about, but it is really hitting me hard today. I don’t have the answers as to why life is a certain way for some people and another way for others. I do know that when we do find those little fragments of life and hope, we need to cherish them and share them with as many people as possible.
